13 weeks

13 weeks tomorrow.  Ultrasound on Thursday.  I saw my doctor last week and he tried to hear the heartbeat.  Before he put the machine on my stomach he said, "now you know we might not hear it", and of course we didn't.  Must be that big fat belly of mine!  He wasn't too concerned, he said it was quite early, but of course it was stressful and scary for me.  It was the first time I heard the heart beat machine (what's it called again?), since we didn't hear Riley's heartbeat, so it brought back all the memories.  And being in his officer was hard, remembering again.

My doctor's so great, though.  He's so positive.  I've been so nauseous this pregnancy and he said that was a really good sign, that I'm producing lots of pregnancy hormones.  Who knows if that's actually true, but I'll take it!

I'm so nervous for Thursday.  I just want everything to be okay, and for them to tell us we have a healthy baby. I'm going to have the trisomy screening, like all my other pregnancies, but because my first pregnancy one of the twins had trisomy 21, I'm at a higher risk, so you can't help but think about that.  I try to be positive and only think positive thoughts, but I am nervous.

It makes me jealous of pregnant women who've never had a problem and approach their ultrasound with excitement.  I won't be excited when I see our baby on the monitor.  I will be nervous and scared and stressed out.  It's not fair that these are the emotions I'll be feeling.  I wish I could go back to being the naive new pregnant lady with absolutely no idea that problems can happen.

Wish me luck...