Last night I had a lot of contractions. From 10-11.30pm and then from 2.30-4.00am. There were btw 10-15 minutes apart, so no reason to panic or go to the hospital but of course I was awake all night wondering...is this it? Am I going to go into labour soon?
Tomorrow I'll be 34 weeks. That's 7 weeks that I will have been on couch potato rest. Gosh it's been a long, long road. It's hard to believe I'll be full term in 3 weeks. After such a long, stressful, scary, emotional, and overwhelming pregnancy, I can almost see the light...just please don't let it be a train at the end of a tunnel!! But seriously, I'm so optimistic and scared and nervous all at once. I so, so want this baby to be born healthy and alive and I just feel like I'm playing with time, with fate. I don't know. I'm so afraid to believe that he's going to live, be born, but I want it so so much.
I had a doctor's appointment yesterday. I'm 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced, which I guess you can stay at this stage for several weeks. At any rate, a girl was there for her 6 week postpartum checkup and she had her baby girl with her. She was so tiny! And just looking at her I was thinking, "gosh, I'm going to have a baby that small in just a few weeks". But it's so hard, because I really, really want to believe it to be true, but there's always this nagging doubt, this little voice in my head saying, "don't get ahead of yourself, Cat, nothing is guaranteed yet". Argh!!! It's so annoying! It makes me so angry that I can't be excited and enjoy the thought of have our baby boy in a few weeks. It's not fair. Not fair at all.
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