It's been 2 weeks since I wrote on my blog. Life has been catching up with me, which is really good. I went back to work on January 3rd and it's going really well. Our company moved offices, so I went back to a completely new location, which was refreshing. My team was really happy to have me back, and I'm motivated and energized about work again. It's a great feeling.
During the first few months after Riley's death I sought solace in other stillbirth blogs. Reading about those women's experiencing and knowing that they were going through what I was going through was really comforting to me. The very first blog I discovered was about Baby Kayla. It was like fate brought me to this woman's site, because every feeling, every thought she wrote down was what I was experiencing. She lost her baby in May, so I was able to go back and read her posts and know that what I was feeling was normal, and made sense. It brought me such a sense of peace.
So it made me so happy to learn today that Kayla's mom is pregnant again! And to be honest, I'm a little jealous too :) I want another baby so much, as well, but I know I have to wait a little longer before trying again. So instead, once again, I'll take comfort in reading about her journey, and understanding the fears and excitement she must be going through.
It really makes me think about it. How terrifying those 40 weeks are going to be, if they ever do happen to me. Once you've lived through stillbirth, any future pregnancy experience will never be "normal". You'll never have the "normal" excitement of your 12 week ultrasound; your 20 week ultrasound; feeling the baby move. Each milestone, each event will bring about another round of fear.
But it's all worth it, right? Because in the end you'll end up with a living, healthy baby.
So, Kayla's mom, I wish you so much strength and courage and I'd admire you for taking the plunge and going for it again. I so, so hope that this pregnancy turns out to be everything your last one wasn't. And I can't wait to welcome your new baby to the world this August.
Aww Cat, you are so sweet. I am so glad to have found you and other stillbirth mom's to help me through this. You're right, being pregnant again is very stressful so far, but it will be worth every second if the outcome is different. Thanks for reading along!
ReplyDeleteGlad to see you back in the blogging world!