Tug of War between Getting Excited and Being Nervous

On Thursday we went to Toys R US.  There was a stroller on sale I wanted to look at.  We ended up buying it (the Baby Trend Expedition ELX Travel System, in case you're wondering).  And do you know what my first question to the sales lady was?  If we don't take it out of the box, can we return it?  Doesn't that just suck?  Most expecting parents would be so excited to open the box as soon as they got home, to put the stroller together and test it out, etc.  My first thought is: well, I don't want to jinx anything in case he doesn't make it.

I'm having a really hard time with this.  I keep thinking about all these great things I want to buy Snoop Dog, but I'm so afraid to buy anything.  When walking around toys r us I also saw these adorable little blankets and I so wanted to get one, but something inside of me just won't let me.  I started welling up in tears because it's not fair.  It's not fair that I can't be excited and happy about this pregnancy.  All these other pregnant women are feeling these wonderful emotions and I don't get to experience any of them.

When I was pregnant with Neil and I had absolutely no idea what baby items I should get.  I knew nothing about babies before Neil came along.  So of course I had to rely on friends suggestions and figure it out along the way. Now I know better.  I want to buy the adorable blankets that I never knew existed with Neil.  I want to get the cool toys and play sets and outfits, etc, but I just can't.  I know that when Snoop is born I'll be able to do it all then, but there's something about being able to  stock up and prepare everything while pregnant that makes it so exciting.  Argh!!  No fair.

69 days to go...