Twice in the last two days I've run into people who knew I was pregnant but didn't know I lost the baby. Both of them asked how the pregnancy was going. And both times I had to tell them Riley died. The first time was when I took my dog, Schooner, to the vet. I've known his vet for 8 years, so he knows a little about me. Last time I saw him was 2 weeks before we lost Riley. Back then I was all excited and talking about how great it was to be pregnant with another boy; a little brother for Neil. So of course my vet - get this, his name is Dr. De Vet! - asks me how the pregnancy is going. And of course I have to go through the whole spiel, to which he offers his condolence, to which I say the inevitable, "it's okay, it happens, it's sad, but that's life".
Then today I ran into my ex-boyfriend's mother at the grocery store. We usually run into each other 1-2 times a year. Last time I saw her, again, was in August. And so of course she asks how the pregnancy is going, yada yada yada. And the poor woman started crying and gave me such a big hug. I felt sorry for her. For her! It's like I have to comfort the other person, or make them feel less bad for bring up such a sorry subject. But it's nobody's fault. It's going to happen. I just hope eventually either everyone will know, or I'll meet people who never knew I was pregnant and the elephant will have left the room for good.
I have comforted so many people who asked me about my baby. WHY do we feel the need to comfort other people?
ReplyDeleteI find that as time goes on and I meet new people who never knew I was pregnant, I sometimes WANT them to know, not sure why.
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ReplyDeleteI know! Last weekend I was at a dinner party and no one except the hosts knew about Riley. I felt like I wanted them to know, to maybe acknowledge Riley's existence? All the other couples had multiple children, so I felt like I wanted them to know I did too. :)
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