Colours

I read on another blog about an online photography lesson.  I checked it out.  It told you to chose your favourite colour and describe why you chose it.  My favourite colour is purple.  Why?

• Bishop's - it's the colour of my university
• It's stronger than pink
• Purple was my wedding colour - in my dress, my bridesmaid dresses, the flowers, everything.
• Bold
• Strong
• Vibrant
• Beating heart

At the bottom of the page she listed the symbolism behind the colour purple.  Here are some of those meanings:

• Spirituality
• Ceremony
• Transformation
• Wisdom
• Enlightenment

How telling.

Today I have yet to cry.  It was a busy day.  My parents were visiting.  We went on open house farm tours.  Now everyone is gone and I'm alone again.  I feel the sadness creeping in and I don't want it too.  But yet I feel like if I don't cry today then I'm somehow not remaining faithful to Riley.  Like it's too early in my grief cycle to not cry.  Isn't that weird?  That I want to be sad?  That I want to cry? 

Tomorrow we bury him.  At 10am.  I'm nervous.  I'm scared.  I'm thankful we're finally getting to do it.  What will I say?  It's just D and I.  I feel like I should do something special for Riley, like write him a letter or have something to put in his grave with him.  But what?  Nothing will be good enough.  I hadn't even bought anything for him yet.  Maybe it's better that way?  But I feel like I should have something monumental to give him.  I don't know.  The grief is starting to creep back in and I'm tired.  When will it end???