9.50am
Shitty morning. I keep remembering the events at the hospital. It's like watching a movie but seeing different parts all at once. I just can't stand the pain. And D is fine. It's like he's completely over it and everything's fine now. I know he handles things differently and doesn't show his emotions, but I wish he would at least agree that it's hard and that he's hurting. He finally admitted Sunday morning that it hurt when Riley was born and it hurt when I held him Friday night and Saturday morning. So that helps at least.
But he has something to focus on. He has work and then comes home and has me & Neil. I feel like I have no purpose. I know I have Neil, but I was always going to have Neil. Now what do I do? The thought of going back to work any time soon is no appealing at all. But then what do I do? Neil will be in daycare. I need a project.
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