Tomorrow is Sept 6th. Had I not gotten pregnant with Riley I would have returned to work following my maternity leave with Neil. It's so surreal. Now I don't have to go back until January. But I don't have a baby at home to take care of. It's just me, D, and Neil. I feel lost; without purpose. But I do not want to go back to work any time soon!
Today I only cried a few times. Yesterday I didn't cry until 4pm. But I still feel empty, like something's missing. And I just don't care about things that much. And it's so hard to take of Neil. I find myself happy that he's going back to daycare tomorrow so I don't have to worry about taking care of him. I feel like such a horrible person/mom for feeling that way, but what can I do? It's how I feel.
I know I've got support, friends out there, but none of them can understand what I'm going through and I just don't want to bother them. I just want to focus on myself and what I'm feeling without bringing other people down. So I fake it. Even though it's only been 10 days. That's it. It feels like so much longer ago.
No comments:
Post a Comment