Today is Neil's 12 month "corrected" age birthday. He was born July 31, 2010 but was 9 weeks premature, so until he's 2 years old, everything is based on his "corrected" age. For the past 14 months September 30th has had such meaning for us. Every milestone, every developmental phase has been based on his corrected age, and will be until he's two. It makes me wonder if August 26th (Riley's delivery date) or November 5th (Riley's due date) will impact us the same next year. I guess that's a silly thought. Of course these dates will mean someone to me.
I look forward to when we no longer base everything on Neil's corrected age. When we no longer have to ask ourselves, "is he developing properly? He's a little behind, but only because he was premature. he's on target for his corrected age". It's just always a constant reminder than Neil's just a little different than the other kids his age. We just have to be patient. I'm know in time he'll catch up, I'm just tired of him being "special".
Today we had a spontaneous supper with some neighbours. They aren't close friends, but Dennis works with the husband and I've always gotten along well with the wife. They sent us a lovely card when they found out about Riley. When we stopped by their house tonight she gave me a big hug, said her condolences, and then said "you're going to try again, right?".
Obviously spoken from someone who's never been through anything like this. Of course she's just being kind and thoughtful, but it's not black and white. And someone who's never lost a child so late in pregnancy can never understand that. I don't know if we'll try again. Of course I want to, but can I really face the thought of going through that all-consuming fear and terror for another 9 months? I just don't know.
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